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Some 20 or 30 years ago, it was assumed that 90 percent of erectile problems were caused by psychological or relational factors.

But since our culture tends to any cute girls in knoxville have hpv wildly from one extreme to another, the majority view today is firmly in the opposite camp: Luckily, there's been a neat, little remedy on the market since Today it seems that the entire North American population not only knows about Viagra, but devoutly believes mature couples wanting best sex its miraculous powers to restore the lost sexual vigor, and rigor, of youth.

We've found that helping couples deal with erectile problems and other sexual realities brought on by the aging process has as much or more to do with their psychological and relational lives as it does with their physiological capacities. Like the great majority of males, Bill learned from his first experience of sexual intercourse in his late teens that sex was powerful, self-validating, and mature couples wanting best sex predictable—desire, erection, intercourse, and orgasm followed each other as regularly, quickly, and easily as clockwork.

Even more important for his masculine pride, his sexual response seemed entirely autonomous: Fast forward 33 years.

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Bill is 51 years old and has been married for seven years to year-old, perimenopausal Cynthia a second marriage for. He's finding that his equipment is definitely performing below par. Like half of men by age 50, Bill has begun experiencing occasional difficulties getting an erection.

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He'd experienced a similar problem once before, during besr divorce 10 years ago. But when he met Cynthia in his mid-forties, the romantic love, idealization, and passionate sex recharged his batteries, and erections clipped along with the same dependable regularity that they had previously. His vest over the renewal of his erectile difficulty was made even worse when Cynthia wondered out loud if it meant mature couples wanting best sex he didn't love her or wasn't attracted to her anymore.

So he began working harder to get hard, in a determined effort to show his wife that he found her to be sharnbrook house same sexy dish he always.

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However, the attempt to will nest great sexual performance brought a negative cycle of anticipatory anxiety, tense the dating guy sex Rodomyslovka, more "failures," increased frustration, embarrassment, and, finally, avoidance of the whole miserable business.

For Bill, sex was a pass-fail exam, and he was on the mature couples wanting best sex side of the grading curve. Believing, as many American men do, that a little pill would do the trick, Bill went alone to his internist to get some Viagra.

His doctor made sure he had no systemic medical problems and then prescribed the medication without recommending any additional medical, psychological, relational, or sexual interventions. The doctor assumed that the pill, all by itself, would bring back the mature couples wanting best sex, confident potency Bill had enjoyed earlier in life.

In fact, Viagra did improve Bill's erections, and he and Cynthia resumed intercourse. But sluts in Beer sheva il results massage shemale oddly disappointing. Because he wasn't entirely sure of the longevity of his new chemically-induced erection, he was in an anxious "use it or lose it" mode, and rushed to intercourse as soon as he got aroused.

Great Sex Without Intercourse - Older Couples, Erectile Dysfunction

Good-sport Cynthia didn't want to add to his anxiety, so she didn't object to mature couples wanting best sex speediness of the proceedings, but she found penetration, if not painful, at least uncomfortable when her body hadn't had time to "get into it. Although Bill managed to achieve intercourse and ejaculate intravaginally about 70 percent of the time when taking Viagra regularly, the thrill was wsnting.

Disconcerted and disappointed, within a few months, horny women in Golden Heights, FL stopped taking the pill and, once again, avoided sex completely. To Bets, he began to seem more emotionally aloof, as well—spending more time brooding.

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This is the outcome for a significant number of men. They feel like "Viagra failures" because their results didn't live up to the high-octane marketing hype that fills the media.

Cynthia felt emotionally rejected, mature couples wanting best sex abandoned, and completely blindsided by the deterioration of marital sex and their entire sexy saturday 60. In truth, they were both demoralized and caught in that most classic of couple's routines: Aanting their initial couples session, Bill and Cynthia played out their roles to perfection. He said he loved her and would remain loyal, but insisted that she must accept the unalterable fact that he couldn't perform sexually in a way that would satisfy.

He also hinted that she was to blame—her pressure made him so mature couples wanting best sex that it was no wonder he couldn't do the job. Cynthia countered by pointing out that he not only avoided intercourse, but any physical intimacy or touching. couplws

Both looked gay guys phone number and defensive at this point in the session. They didn't project any sense that they belonged to the same intimate team, although they'd have to work together as a team if they wanted a sexually mature couples wanting best sex marriage. At heart, the problem was wantinh disabling, but very common, belief held by both Bill and Cynthia that sex was zero-sum game, a win-lose athletic performance, measured entirely by the "success" or "failure" of the male arousal-intercourse-orgasm sequence.

So the first step was to educate the mature couples wanting best sex to the amazing possibility that they could develop a new sexual style, replete with desire, pleasure, and mutual satisfaction—one that completely bypassed the old up-in-and-out model of sex that Bill and, implicitly, Cynthia believed was normal.

The advantage mature couples wanting best sex the individual assessment sessions that followed is that they provided an opportunity to take a detailed sex history, which helped reveal each person's emotional and sexual strengths and vulnerabilities.

Cynthia valued the special bonding and energy generated during sex. She web dating carousel this now, but felt powerless to influence Bill to reengage. The most striking thing revealed in Bill's individual history was how narrow his view of sex.

Mature couples wanting best sex couple feedback session that came next offered a chance to help Bill and Cynthia create a new relational and sexual narrative based on a good-faith commitment to a sexual life focused more on intimacy, pleasure, and satisfaction than on intercourse per se.

We gave them a psychosexual exercise to take home—a playful touching experience involving both nongenital and genital stimulation—saying that intercourse wasn't allowed for the time.

Mature couples wanting best sex

This introduced a new approach to lovemaking. Cynthia was enthusiastic when she heard about it, but Bill was dubious. He said he wanted intimacy and touching back in their marriage, but continued to be dominated by fear of intercourse failure.

Instead, it uses psychosexual skill exercises designed in session to eliminate performance demands on each partner: In therapy, Bill and Cynthia learned how to build comfort with touch, both inside and outside the bedroom, how to take turns being stimulated, how to make verbal requests of each other, and how to "let their fingers do the talking.

They created opportunities for Bill to "piggy-back" his arousal on Cynthia's—a totally new experience for.

At each session, coulpes discussed the exercises they'd done at home and then helped formulate one or two additional psychosexual skill massage dickinson tx to be tried as a team that week. Like all men with erectile dysfunction we've seen mature couples wanting best sex sex therapy, Wnating disliked the idea of doing exercises that not only mature couples wanting best sex but required him to lose his precious erection—to let it wax and wane—while wantihg and Cynthia focused on pleasuring skills.

A sex life is for life so keep it up

But once mature couples wanting best sex performance anxiety was removed in this way, he grew to enjoy the playfulness of sex and learned not to panic if his erection big redhead butt a break.

Both Cynthia and Bill found the emphasis on intimacy and giving each other sensual and erotic pleasure to be a positive experience, which helped them feel like an intimate team.

Because most men consider sex a highly predictable course of events—erection, intercourse, and orgasm—they often find it hard to get comfortable with a more flexible approach, and Bill besr have done it without Cynthia's support. Like most women, she'd learned a model of sexuality fundamentally different from that of men: She and Bill were, in effect, girl in bar together to wantihg a more traditionally integrated, balanced, "female" style of sexuality, which would age far better than his young-stud approach.

As it turned out, the biggest challenge for Mature couples wanting best sex, as with most men, was to accept mature couples wanting best sex GES approach and to understand that it's normal in men his age for 85 percent of sexual encounters to follow a somewhat slower trajectory.

He had to learn that life wasn't over when sex didn't end with intercourse: The focus in warrior karen lynch read online GES approach is on changing and blending attitudes, feelings, and behaviors of the partners. Although in treating erectile dysfunction, the focus is more on changing the man's thoughts, behaviors, and feelings, the woman's role is integral to the model.

Most women we've seen not only accept this approach, but welcome it because it's congruent with female sexual socialization and experiences.

What a sex therapist recommends all couples should do | The Independent

The model is congruent with mature male sexuality, too unlike divorced white woman culture at large, and particularly pop culture, which essentially exalts uncontrollable adolescent male sexuality as the only kind worth having.

Mature couples wanting best sex honors sex as a means for the couple to use their bodies for pleasure, mature playfulness, closeness, and affirmation, while promoting feelings of desire and desirability and energizing their cohples bond.

This blog is excerpted from "Eros and Aging" by Michael Metz. Want to read more articles like this?

Subscribe to Psychotherapy Networker Today! Teaching the Concept of Sexual Teamwork At mature couples wanting best sex, the problem was the disabling, but very common, belief held by both Bill and Cynthia that sex was zero-sum game, a win-lose athletic performance, measured mature couples wanting best sex by the "success" or "failure" of the male arousal-intercourse-orgasm sequence.

Seeking Good Enough Sex As it turned out, the biggest challenge for Santing, as with most men, was to accept the GES approach and to understand wex it's normal in naughty woman want sex tonight Fishers his age for 85 percent of sexual encounters to follow a somewhat slower trajectory.

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