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Can we stop talking about Mick Hucknall having sex, please? It's just every time Mick Hucknall's sex life gets brought up — which it does, like clockwork, every time Simply Red have a new album or tour coming up — someone asks Hucknall how many women he has had sex with, and he always says, "Ooh, about a thousand," and then I have to think of Mick Hucknall's freckled back wobbling slightly in the cool October night women who want sex in Hucknall he pumps frantically into his latest conquest.

Of Mick Hucknall, bursting out of the exit behind the back of a sdx town theatre, assessing a row of mums in mini-dresses, pointing to them all in turn and saying, "I'll have that one and that one. Not the fat one. These thoughts flash instantly through my mind every time you say "Mick Hucknall" and "thousand women".

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These images haunt me every time a new Simply Red tour looms on the horizon. Guess what: Simply Red are reuniting again for a 30th anniversary tour and this time, it's The Telegraph who want to verify his sexual claims, asking in an interview this week whether, really — the subtext being, " ReallyMick?

Open sex massage you look like a dinner lady who's been up all night with a four-pack of Special Brew, and not a sexual lothario who's been up getting his hands all covered in lube" — whether, really, it was true that he'd had sex with 1, human women.

Come on, Mick: I never bragged about it. I don't keep count.

I've no idea, but I would think over a year period that's probably reasonable to say. But do I want to say it? It's not what makes me tick.

I don't put chips on the bedpost. But here's the thing: And that includes Christmas, and New Year. And Easter.

How is Mick Hucknall having sex then? There are just not enough hours in the day or women who would feasibly want to have on with Mick Hucknall in existence for any of his claims about having sex with women to make sense.

But that's not the point about Mick Hucknall having huge, just gross amounts of sex, or, in actuality, just having a middling-to-moderate amount of sex and then banging on about it constantly for 25 years. It's the double-standard of the thing.

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Imagine for a moment that Mick Hucknall had voluptuous breasts and an ass that wouldn't quit and was a cherub-faced northern lady Mick Hucknall running one red-taloned finger down the small of your back; Mick Hucknall licking his lipstick-stained lips and slipping his bra off under his shirt. But now imagine this monstrous Free garage sale advertising was the one banging on about having sex with between 1, and 3, pre-AIDS sex-lovin' dudes in the '80s.

Would the Telegraph be conducting wink-and-a-nod interviews about his women who want sex in Hucknall proclivity then?

Would they run with the headline: Have I slept with over 1, esx Probably," or would they run with a watered down version of: Taylor Swift gets heat for, as far as I can tell, being a year-old with eight ex-boyfriends.

None of them go, "I destroyed a thousand anacondas in one calendar year and so let's now talk about my new tour. A lot of Mick Hucknall's sexual reporting is done with an element of genuine surprise — more, "Really?

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A thousand women? How though? A lot of it, also, is Mick Hucknall desperately selling the same old line of vague personality spice to counter his Dignitas waiting room-ass brand of music. But a lot of it is, quietly, the old slags vs.

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So, please, for the love of my mental wellness and for people everywhere, stop talking about Mick Hucknall having sex.